Emotion runs deep

Sometimes I too wonder why women remember everything and connect everything with everything else. It's a trait that men find intriguing yet annoying at the same time I feel.

I don't think it's a good thing holding a grudge but I think God made us that way because with it we are able to love endlessly. We are able to remember every sweet memory and emotions of our children growing up and that in turn churns the well of love we have for them till we die.

And because we are able to feel such depths, we are also able to forgive repeatedly. We women usually don't forget but we have this ability to forgive again and again and again without ever being tired of forgiving. That is why we will be able to always forgive our children and continue loving them despite how they may have hurt us.

For every weakness behind it is a hidden strength.

I feel men should learn to understand this and embrace it with an open heart...

:)

To be vulnerable and to be real

"Vulnerability is the essence of love. It's the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say, 'This is me, and I'm interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more important, all that I am not."
- End quote

Why is it so hard to show people who you truly are and be comfortable with it?

We live life with all this aspirations in mind, thinking we can fulfill all our dreams and be the best that we can be. We have this ideal picture of who we should be or perhaps, who we want others to see us as.

And then, suddenly we don't recognise ourselves anymore. It is like a huge part of us is hidden from the light of day by our own fear of being vulnerable. Scared that beneath it all, people will see an imposter.

Can we find happiness again? The key I think is to be real. To be true. To find yourself again and to love yourself for who you truly are. And to find the courage to move on and build yourself again.

It's hard. Because we are embarrassed. No matter how good or confident you portray yourself to be you somehow always feel like it's not enough.

But you have to. You have to find yourself again. Because you are worth it. God knows you are worth it. You just have to believe in that too.

That is how life is.

Egotistical

I have recently come to realize how huge of an ego I have been living with in all my 27 years of life. It seems to me that I have had it for awhile now and the realization has emerged only just.

I can not claim that the challenges I faced are far worse than what others have encountered but after all that I've been through somehow  I can see a pattern in God's great plan that was created uniquely for me - that is to teach me humility and humbleness.

And no, I have not reach yet that place where I can truly say 'lesson learned!' but I think, well I hope, that a huge part of that ego is broken now.

One can only hope.

Some things are hard to be written into words...

Having a helper - a new experience

My maid landed on our land on our Independence day, 31st August 2013. Alhamdulillah.

Her name is Sharul Bariah. Age: 48 years old.

She was trained about a week at the agent's place. Fetched her 2 days ago on the 7th of September 2013. It feels weird, still is.

Still undecided to proceed with taking her permanently or not. She seems like an honest lady trying to make a living after life threw her an odd curve-ball at an old age. Hopefully she is a blessing for us from Allah.

80% sure of confirming her as permanent. But still have doubts. May Allah guide us in making the right decision.

Bismillah.

Being judgemental

It is easier to judge someone than to understand. Because understanding takes time and effort. Understanding and to feel emphaty is hard work not everyone is willing to work for.

I need to judge less.

Just write!

Wanting to do and actually doing it is two very distinctive thing. So, today I begin this new blog with that in mind. 

You can always dream and plan but somehow things don't always turn out the way you want it to be. Because things don't turn your way... you give up. You give up on the things you believe in, you give up on your dreams, you give up on your family and friends, you give up on life basically. And you numb your feelings so that you can stay perfectly still in a bubble of ignorance. You continue with life, but in a trance. Not feeling means not having to think or worry, so you can do whatever you feel like doing leaving the consequences behind. 

But life, life catches up on you. Life comes with consequences and no matter how hard you try to ignore it.. the truth will eventually prevail. 

They say ignorance is bliss. What they forgot to tell you was, ignorance also comes with this sick feeling of doom. You can ignore the truth all you want... but the Inevitable Day will come and deep down inside you know with a certainty that no matter how far you run away now, you will never outrun what is SURE TO COME.

I am starting a new journey on a path I once thread towards a destination that will be my final abode. As easy as it is to get lost as I once did, I am sure that Allah will make it easy for me to persevere if I truly work hard for it. The 'hard work' scares me and I don't know if I am capable of such perseverance yet at this moment. But what I'm sure of is that I WANT to be there. I want to be at my final abode happy that I have tried my best and that My Lord has rewarded me for it.

Bismillah. To a new beginning.